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Since I founded Nolo Press in 1971 with the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, millions of people have successfully done their own divorces without retaining lawyers. Doing your own divorce does not mean you can't get help, but there is a big difference in the kinds of help that are available. Friends, relatives and "common knowledge" are the worst and most expensive sources of legal advice. Use friends for moral support, but when they give you advice, just say, "thank you," but do not take it seriously without checking with a reliable source. If you didn't get it from a current Nolo book or a family law specialist attorney, don't trust it! Just because you like or trust someone doesn't make them right. Bad advice can cost you dearly—perhaps for the rest of your life. |
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The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself. Studies indicate that clients feel their attorneys don't actually give them much help or guidance anyway. In a 1976 Connecticut study, nearly half of those interviewed reported no more than three contacts with their attorney, including phone calls, while 60% said they had worked out all issues without attorney help. |
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No one besides you can determine whether or not a divorce is right for you! But, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the following issues may help you answer this question for yourself! What specifically is making you think of divorce? |
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1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of your biggest life-altering decisions. Ask yourself why now and why with this person? You should be able to answer this in an affirming and positive way. The relationship should not be reactive to fill an empty space in your life, perhaps a past relationship, a surprise pregnancy, or the absence of family. Lots of people go into a relationship still having baggage from a previous one. If you deal with your previous relationship losses successfully, they won’t come to haunt you or your future spouse later on. Also, keep in mind that opposites attract, but they are really hard to live with. The more in common you have with your spouse, the more likely the relationship will last. |
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The Emotions Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side." A divorce will introduce you to an entirely new balancing act. |
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