Be Flexible in Your Relationship

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When it comes to strengthening your marriage, flexibility is essential. Now, I’m not talking about the ability to do a backbend or tuck your legs behind your head (although that kind of flexibility may very well be appreciated in the marriage bed), but instead, the ability to change your mind, your opinions and your attitudes. In order for any marriage to work, there has to be a very real understanding that you are both working on the same team, no matter what the issue at hand may be.

In any true relationship, whether it’s a marriage, a partnership at work or your closest friendship, there’s got to be a little give and a little take. You can’t be right all of the time, because that means that your spouse will have to settle with being wrong all of the time – and no one wants to always be wrong. It also means that even if you’re absolutely, positively sure that you are right you might just have to step down from the argument or discussion and realize that being right isn’t nearly as important as being in this together. It also means that sometimes, even if you both have wildly different ideas or opinions, the both of you can be right at the same time.

To better understand this principal, let’s peek in at a conflict between Tara and her husband Preston. This couple was faced with a tough decision: their only child Melanie would be turning five this year and entering Kindergarten. Tara has her heart set on sending Melanie to a good private school that offers a wonderful education, a safe environment, and superior funding and materials - but at a very high price tag. Preston, however, is dead set against the expense and elite mentality that come with a private school education. He insists that Melanie should attend the local public elementary school. “I went to public school and graduated at the top of my class. I played sports, was involved in the Student Government and wound up with a full scholarship to a great college – and no one thought I was a snob!” For weeks the two of them fought and argued, and for the longest time, neither of them was any closer to a solution.
  • Soon, the side effects of the disagreement began to seep into the rest of their marriage. Suddenly, Tara and Preston started giving each other the silent treatment. Their sex life was virtually non-existent. And poor little Melanie was beginning to show signs of stress. It didn’t take long for them to realize that the argument was damaging their marriage. And as soon as they realized what was going on, they suddenly remembered that they were on the same team and needed to come to a decision together.
  • So, one night, after Melanie was asleep, they agreed to meet together at the kitchen table to discuss the issue. They both agreed that there would be no yelling, no personal attacks, no bringing up the past and absolutely no bullying. Instead, they sat down with one another, looked at the pros and cons of both of the options and agreed to do whatever would be best for all of them: Tara, Preston and Melanie. It wasn’t quick and it wasn’t easy, but before the end of the night, they’d managed to compromise. A little flexibility on both of their parts went a long way. By the time they left the table, Tara and Preston had found a solution. Despite the expense, they agreed to enroll Melanie in the private school for elementary school and then junior high. However, when it was time for Melanie to enter high school, it was agreed that she would attend the local public school. It took the two of them five hours, two pots of coffee and a great deal of flexibility to reach their decision, but once it was made, the division that had grown up between them disappeared.

Not only had they figured out a solution to their education quandary, but they’d also stumbled onto a key that would strengthen their marriage forever – compromise and flexibility.

You can do the same thing in your marriage.

Sometimes it’s easy to fall into that “me vs. her” or “me vs. him” mentality. But when you step back and truly realize that it isn’t the two of you against each other, but the two of you together against the world, you’ve gained a priceless perspective.

So, the next time you find yourself arguing with your spouse about where to spend vacation or which house to buy, find a gentle way to remind each other that despite your different views, ideas or opinions, you’re still fighting for the same team. Remember to fight for each other, and not with each other!