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Finding the right companion is a complex and difficult task. Our early relationships with our caregivers often shape who we are attracted to and what type of person we find comfortable to be around. I have seen many individuals in my practice who have ended up in life-draining relationships. In most of the cases, they saw the problems well beforehand, but tolerated them for some reason or another. In my experience, the two most common reasons for ignoring warning signs were: |
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Maybe your man loves you, but remembers when taking this test love is not the issue. You probably would love a million dollars, Denzel Washington and a flatter tummy but it doesn't mean that you deserve these things. Because who are you kidding, when was the last time you put forth the effort to do a single sit-up. You probably love the best life has to offer but when you look at the effort that you have put forth to obtain the best, something is missing; maybe Lauren Hill stole your song or your number didn't fall in the lottery. But the truth is most of us know deep within our hearts when we are not getting what we deserve. This is when we start sending out resumes to search for a new job or buy a new product because the old one no longer meets our expectations. Yes, yes you might have loved many things but when you felt that you were not being compensated for what you felt you are worth, you moved on. |
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Your toughest competitor and critic will be none other than the woman who prepared your man’s food during his developmental years. It doesn’t matter if she was a good or bad mother, it doesn’t matter if she is living or dead; it doesn’t matter if she was an absent mother or a part of his life on a daily basis__ his mother is the template and prototype of what a woman should or should not be like burned into his brain. Her mere presence or lack thereof, through osmosis has conditioned him into his beliefs about women and their role in his life. |
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Imagine yourself finding that special man or woman in your life. He or she just simply complements you in every way and you find yourself falling so fast, so head over heels over this person that life becomes the proverbial blur. The two of you start dating, it gets serious, and finally you start to have that sense of seeing white picket fences. You introducing him or her to mom and dad and imagining all those years of contentment the two of you will be spending with each for the rest of your lives. On this stage, you have no idea about couples falling out of love. But…and there’s a big but, you start to notice a few quirks here and there. Later, these little quirks turn into full blown objects of contention and you wonder, why, where and how did you ever not see this coming. And the truth is, it just happens and while there are those times when you want to work and fight for your relationship, sometimes happens, couples falling out of love. |
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You love them, but your personalities just don't mesh. You frequently argue or get frustrated with each other. Sometimes it's a one-sided feeling of frustration while other times it's mutual. Your New Mantra: "I can't change other people. I can only control myself." One of the most difficult things to do when we believe that we are right and others are wrong is to accept that you can't change their minds. Likewise, you can't change their habits, their lifestyle, their addictions, etc. It doesn't matter if you are trying to help them improve their lives, persuade them to take on your political or social views for the good of humanity, teach them about basic concepts, etc. It's easy to let go of conflicts that only happen once in awhile, but what do you do when every day is a struggle, when every conversation is a conflict? What do you do when you dread seeing or talking to this person because you know it's going to end in an argument or belittlement or worse? |
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